City Limits (review by Doug Smith)
Well, after a few months of being on hiatus and now that I’ve lost all of my readers, I’m back. And, boy, do I ever have a stinkburger to serve up for you this time around. Brought to you by the same people who take the blame for “Android,” “City Limits” features 1980s teen idols in rival gangs and James Earl Jones doing narration. Unfortunately, this sure as hell isn’t CNN.
John Stockwell, who later went on to star in such classics as “Hart to Hart: Crimes of the Heart,” plays Lee, a young man who wants to go the city to find “adventure.” Darrell “I’m NOT gay!” Larson, who proudly takes responsibility for producing and directing “The Wizard of Oz in Concert,” plays Mick, the leader of the good guy gang, the Clippers. The ever-popular Rae Dawn Chong plays Yogi, who’s smarter than the average Clipper. Robby Benson makes a “special appearance,” which is really only special because one of his relatives was the casting director. Second-to-last but not least, pre-Mannequin Kim Cattrall plays Wickings. And, last and definitely least, be sure to look for Dean Devlin in an early role. If Dean directs like he acts, it’s quite easy to understand why his movies suck.
In the opening scenes of the movie, we see the Clippers limping to Lee’s home in the desert, after getting beat up by big, bad Robby Benson’s gang. Lee’s roommate, Albert (James Earl Jones), gives them a warm welcome with a shotgun. After a little dialogue and some plot exposition, we flashback to before Lee went to the big city.
In a way that only James Earl Jones can, he narrates how everything transpired. As it turns out, Lee was bored with country living and wanted to go to the city to find adventure. So, he jumped on his motorcycle and got a couple miles down the road and ended up finding a little nookie in the town water supply instead. After the best 2 minutes of his life, he was back on his motorcycle and off to the big city. Once he was there, it didn’t take him long before he pissed off both the Clippers and their rival gang, the D.A.s. See, he “accidentally” killed one of the D.A.s and, according to the rules, all of which come from comic books, the D.A.s should get to kill him. Luckily for Lee, a loophole was found in Insect Man #47 and he got to have a fair fight for his life.
After he won the fight, the Clippers adopted him into their oh-so-respectful organization, which consists of comic book reading and drinking Schlitz. Joe Don Baker is an honorary member. At any rate, after their disgrace, the D.A.s decided to get out the heavy artillery and succeeded in cutting the size of the Clippers’ gang down to only a few members, most of which are injured. That brings us up to the point where the movie laps itself and the remaining Clippers end up at Lee’s home in the country. They rest there for a little while and then it’s back to the city. Albert tags along this time and after a little bit of driving through deserted streets – kind of like Green Bay after 9:00PM – the Clippers and the DA.s have one final battle. Predictably, the Clippers win and Robby Benson is thankfully killed and they all live happily ever after with Pussy Nibbles for all! One Yak.